stayfast

wow these are old.
anyways.

I'm back, because i need to get off my ass and stop feeling sorry for myself.

I was happier when i didn't eat, all i've been doing is eating now.

I weigh fucking 135!

ugh.

Stats

HW: 135
CW: 135
LW: 110
G1: 120
G2: 110
UG: 99

I'm getting used to not eating breakfast or lunch on school days. But I really need to work on skipping dinner, and doing much better on the weekends.

Saturday I overate by 500ish.
Sunday ate "normally"

today I ate, but only dinner which still added up to 570.

If I work off every single thing i eat I should be down to 80lbs in 3 months.

800 yesterday

100ish today

Today one of my friends said my arm was skinny. Such a lie. She only said that because she's a bit chubbier than me.

Did okay today, but I had to eat because of a family dinner.

ugh.

I had half a english muffin & bowl of rice krispies 200cals

and a few other tidbits of things. 100cals

so 300calish

Binged saturday.

Didn't eat sunday.

mega binge today.

Fasting the rest of the week.

So Low right now.

I didn't really eat today.

It feels so good.

Fun... great four day binge!
ugh.

Being back at school just reminds me of how fat i really am. All the girls there are so skinny....

Well, I'm at 250cals today, ate 500 but burned 250.

I'm doing okay. I missed livejournal.

Today I woke up at 6:50, which was shit. because i have an early bird class that started at 7:00. which meant 5 minutes to get ready, and get to class, so i throw on some clothes, brush my hair and get there at 7:10. I've never been tardy before in my life so i was pretty upset about that, but i was even more upset because i felt so gross, not having anytime to get ready and all. I was just generally over-self concious all day so i couldn't concentrate as well as i'd like.

But I didn't eat at all today, except for 2 plums before my bike ride across town to buy a purple T-shirt, and I'm damn sure i worked that off. i wish i could've fasted, I know i could but I have to have to eat a family dinner, I think we're having burritos, 350cals? ugh.

Didn't do exceptionally great today, but oh, well I worked a lot of the extra off, The biking was pretty intense too.

Intake

• banana 100cals


• small bagel 100cals


• granola bar 1200cals


• lentil soup 100cals


• toast 100cals


• burrito 200cals


• ice cream 200cals

1000cals total

Output

Biking 1.5 hours (not counted)
DDR & walking 500cals

Calories 500/200
Exercise 1.5/1.5

Well I -tried- fasting today. and i was doing good, until it was time for a family dinner.

800 calories! jeezus. how did i manage to eat that much in one sitting? I don't even want to know.

I suppose I did take an hour and a half long bike ride today downtown. It was quite nice really. On my way back i saw some kittens near the side of the road and it was drizzling, so i stopped to pet them and asked a lady whose they were, they turned out to belong to someone already, i had been ready to take them home. and as i left i saw one of them start climbing up a telephone pole o_O

I also took a sauna today, and was it wonderful! I'm so glad my dad built one. It was really cool because i just closed my eyes and let the sweat drip down me for a good ten minutes, and when i opened them there where little sweat droplets aligned in perfect rows, (probably because of the pores) It was just the most fascinating thing.

Anyways here's my plan for the year

.
M - 0
T - 200
W - 400
T - 600
F- 800
S- 1000-1200
S - 1000-1200


and repeat.

Then i also must get an hour and a half of exercise each day, of whatever, whether it be walking or dancing. calorie expendature doesn't matter. if i overeat then i must burn off the # of cals i overate by in addition to my 1.5 hours of exercise. This way i hope to loose 2-3lbs a week

Since today was 800 and i really don't have time to work out I'm swapping Friday for monday, so i will fast friday and today will be my 800 day.

I have guitar tonight too, but no new songs I'm really stuck on one and i'm not sure where i'm going with it, its pretty frustrating as my guitar teacher is excited about it and wants me to finish it soon ( he helps me write the melody/chords)
.
Calories800/800
Exercise 1.5/1.5

I'm Okay now. I feel like I'm getting back on track and I'm in control. I'm so excited for school! no more mid-afternoon munchies! I'm going to fast tomorrow though, i need to clear out my system sooo badly i feel bloated and gross. I was upset that my mom forgot to by my high fiber cereal. but oh well. we have cherries :D I realized that I havent SI in a week, even though I was feeling so low... Instead i just binged. I think binging actually hurts me more though, emotionally. SI hurts, physically, but it provides an emotional relief.

On another note

Today i primed my windows, I'm so excited to finally get a room of my own! it was very relaxing, spent about 3 hours just putting up painters tape, and painting, while of course listening to yo la tengo :D